Thoughts

Busy from morning till now. 3pm. Followed my senior for her project and ate lunch only at 230pm. Almost fainted.

Sometimes I rather be busy as time pass faster and random thoughts won't flood me....

My seniors are treating me better as we get to know each other 'better'. Not much in depth conversation but they will ask me to join them for food, lunch and attempt to chat with me...However our conversation cannot last beyond 5 sentences. I really hate myself at times for not being able to speak their language. I'm learning... Sometimes I wonder what if by the end of 2yrs I am able to communicate with them but I had to leave? Or...would I leave?

But I knew I have to. I miss my grandparents and I'm worried about their health too...Already in their 80s, time is a very crucial factor.

I made sacrifices but I do not want regrets.

I will not sacrifice my family for my own goals.

The wall I created or rather you created between us is very hard for me to break it down. I tried my best...I miss the olden times.... Its tiring being an actor.

Truth tucked away in the deepest corner of my brain which I cant even erase.

Chronic inflammation...

I can't seem to describe the feeling when I receive the email except, disappointment.

''Money comes before everything''.

I used to think otherwise, but circumstances forced the truth on me.

How brittle relationship can be, how practical can one be, how selfish can an individual be... I must have been living a dream for 20 years...A dream I wish I can continue on for life.

I miss you.