Closure for 2009

I can only move ahead for the new year. I can't say I regret coming here. I can't say I wish to change lab and start afresh. I can only endure and look on the positive side. Ha! Sometimes I think my heck-care, happy-go-lucky attitude is a merit. Otherwise, I think I will give up and return to Spore like some foreign students whom cannot take the culture shock.

This is solely my feelings and thoughts. Respect it else close this page.

Lab and School

From feeling alienated to slowly adapting. From occasional homesick tears to enjoying a different life here. I can say I've come a long way and I'm proud of myself. I used to feel so bad when I'm asked to sweep, mop and wash pipet tips initially. I really had an urge to just pack up and leave- either to another lab or to KAIST or maybe home. I realise that they have a duty roster and seniors also have to do it. Greeting seniors and bowing and respecting all their hierarchical rules is hard for me initially. Lunch is a quiet 20 minutes with me and my rice. Conversation flew around the table but in Korean. Although occasional superficial questions like: ''Do you like today's food?'' You like kimchi?'' were asked but conversation stops with my answer being a yes or no. I felt isolated and left out. I remember those times when I could pick up a conversation easily and made many friends in my lab and from other labs. Many lines were stuck in my head but I can't project them out using Korean- fluently.

Exploding exhaustion.

However, I shld b glad that I'm not outcast and seniors still remember me and asked me out to lunch. Afterall, what more could I ask from them when I can't do much on my part?

I shld be contented, shouldn't I?

Thinking on the bright side, I have international friends from Jordan, Nepal, China and Thailand.

I learnt to treasure my friends and everything I've had more.

I wish to stop research work after I graduate and proceed to pharmacy MNCs and after a few yrs, I may just proceed to lecturing field. Or perform voluntary work.

I want to travel. A higher cert is my means to earn more in order to suffice my insatiable craving for travelling. I want to be able to dress up nicely and go shopping and have gossiping seesions with my girlfriends once work ends at 6pm. I want to be able to enjoy all my holidays and weekends with no cells screaming for me to feed them.

I'm not cut out for a researcher's life.

Relationships

'' Its good to be falling in love'' Ps: Note of the -ING. Just 3 letters but it makes a world's difference.

Sparks fly, everyday is Christmas, you can't wait to see the person even though you'd just met him an hour ago, hp bills soared, an sms makes your day, butterflies everytime you get to see him, no arguments, no expectations. Everything is perfect.

With status comes responsibilities and expectations.

How long can the -ING remains and where did the butterflies flew to?

Its like a roller coster ride just that this once, you hope it never ends....

I am lucky to have met someone who makes me happy and everyday worth looking forward to. I never dared to ride roller coster ride in my entire life even with much persuasion. But the number of coster rides I took on during the outing in Lotte world surpassed all those that I have had in 23yrs. I exceeded my 3 yrs quota and I HATE vikings!

I tried snowboarding and fell like shit with sprains and brusies all over. But, the thought of being able to board tgt gave me the encouragement. Though he was alwys impatient and will sternly told me to get off my arse and continue. Yes, he is a MEANY!

He likes to ski and ice skate. But I just can't learn ice skating. Tried but failed. I am frustrated with myself. But ice skating and roller blading are just my nemesis.

Someone whose pride is more than the lion's but when atop the mountain, he turns into a MOUSE. ^o^ I can't imagine if I have to carry him down if we ever go on a Himalayas expedition.

I'm glad we shared many similarities and yet differences too. I'll learn to be less petty to everyone around me and lower my expectations of others.

But somehow I just can't help it when the other party is not just a friend.

Relationships are fragile. Till now, I'm happy and contented. If I were to look back on this post any years down the road.... in tears, then I've learnt to love and be loved, memories to keep and Life continues...

My 2009 is indeed full of unexpected events and exciting. I love my life.

~ Happiness comes within me, don't put this responsibility upon others ~